I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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