I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My ass is underappreciated
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
