I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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