one word: firstdatebathroomanal
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize