I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just tell him i said nine months
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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