I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
