thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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