He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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