you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
