I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
