Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
