I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
