dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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