Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
