Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
