During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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