I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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