I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
