did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
pray to the hookup gods
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
