I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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