Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I will pee on everything he values.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
