i need an iv and a liver transplant
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
