wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
