on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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