I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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