thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize