is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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