After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
