oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
