you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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