thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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