I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
