Someone shit on the floor
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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