The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
