just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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