at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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