i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
