Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we're chasing vodka with high fives
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
