So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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