just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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