if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
