I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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