I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
