I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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