You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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