I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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