Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
