I'm eating all of the evidence.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I will be naked everywhere
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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