it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Can I color on your dick again?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
