Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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