He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
