I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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