Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So vagazzling was a success
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
