i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
