We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
