discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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