Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
