I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
