we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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