i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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