grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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