How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You made out with two different species that night
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
