And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
