I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
did i walk over a car last night?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize