How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize