plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
