the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize