she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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