If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
