please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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