I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize