He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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