actually, I'm a sock model
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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