He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
